Magic Mike: A gift to men Jul17

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Magic Mike: A gift to men

557075_448039378571281_741316621_nMost of you probably have heard of the “guilty pleasure” movie that opened a few weeks ago. Magic Mike stars Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, The Werewolf Dude from True Blood (Joe Manganiello), Bryce Larkin (Matt Bomer) and wrestler Kevin Nash as strippers. Now most men would instantly dismiss the idea of seeing such a movie, however there are benefits to watching oiled and glittered men dance around mostly naked for 110 minutes. This is an explanation of why men should be grateful such a movie exists and is currently in theaters across the country.

Why did I go see this? I’m spending my summer in Kansas and the majority of my friends here are women, and I have a personal rule that I will watch any movie. So when I received a text inviting me to a 4:30 showing, I put on my game face and went to look at dude ass.

The whole guilty pleasure angle is great for movie theaters who want more business outside of peak hours. I have never seen a theater so full in Kansas at 4:30 in the afternoon. Never have I seen so many women of different backgrounds, races, and age come together in unity to hoot and holler at shiny men. It really brings a tear to my eye. Well, that and McConaughey’s bleached asshole.

The male nudity is really underplayed in a movie about male strippers. There is a lot of ass; ass in thongs, ass in chaps, bare ass, and the list goes on. The total amount of dong present in this movie consist of maybe 10 seconds of shadows and out of focus angles and not a single man in this movie was hanging brain. Female nudity on the other hand is VERY present.

Olivia Munn appears topless (finally) in the first 3 minutes. I feel obligated to single her out, because the Olivia Munn Fan Group (OMFG) showed up one hit above my site (Original Media for Geeks/Gamers) in Google just now, so since I was able to see her topless, I will allow her to be ahead of us in Google for the time being. SEO comes at a steep price Ms. Munn, very steep indeed.

Boobs aside, the real reason to see and be thankful for this movie is because of the undercarriage heat generated in every woman who sees this movie. Ladies, you can try and deny it. You can claim that these well-endowed muscle men don’t ignite your loins. But if you stare at them long enough, the spark hits. Why should men care if women find these beefcakes attractive? Because there are no beefcakes after the movie, there’s only your fat ass and she’s going to make do with what she’s got. Why men aren’t camping out for the crowd of man-hungry women exiting theaters is beyond me.

Don’t buy my theory? Well after my showing of Magic Mike, I bid adieu to the ladies I attended the showing with and hopped in my car. Started the engine and rolled the windows down, I pulled out my cellphone and began to check the unusual amount of messages I received during the film. As I’m sitting there listening to my voicemail I notice the woman who had stood behind me in the ticket line. She sees me in my car and enters her own vehicle. She does not exit the parking lot, but instead pulls through into the spot next to mine. Proceeds to roll down the window and strike up a conversation. This bleach blonde 40-something woman in a black dress who just spent an hour and a half watching semi-nude men talks to me about the movie, her views on it, and how she was curious if I was there learning some new moves or not. I told her the reviews had been positive and my friends wanted to see it. The conversation lulls as I had no idea what else to say to this cougar talking me up, and she sensed the awkward pause. She shifts her car into drive and as the engine begins to ease out of idle, she informs me that her and her friends will be at Applebee’s for drinks. I said goodbye and she drove away.

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If you are wondering, I did not follow her to Applebee’s. However, this woman was obviously all horned up from watching men strut around and was ready to pounce on the first piece of live meat. Let me reiterate,  THIS GUY got hit on by a cougar after the movie. If that is possible, then every man who has trouble snagging women needs to run down to your local theater and ride the wave of exiting moviegoers all the way to cougar town.